Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Boobs speak an international language.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
