are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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