If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
