I wish my penis had an off switch
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He did a backflip because drugs
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