How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
