He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
