dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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