she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
