so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
