I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
