ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
