how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
