highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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