So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
