Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
