I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
