my mouth tastes like poor choices
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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