the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
