Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
