quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
