I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
