You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
