i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
