turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I intend to get homeless drunk
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
