i wish semen tasted like chocolate
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
