I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
