Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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