shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you mean i was at the winter classic?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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