I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
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