note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
A bitchslap is in order.
He has the fingertips of a God
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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