you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
