i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
