I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
