it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
