We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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