She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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