my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
