he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
