dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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