What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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