We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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