Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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