I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
