people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
