Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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