No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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