If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
We're using joints as your birthday candles
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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