By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
