y did u give ur computer a hand job?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
