One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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