shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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