I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
pop tarts are not kleenex
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
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