So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
