Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
