Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
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